A second chance at a first impression
Tue, 01 May 2012 10:36a.m.
By Sasha Madarasz
When you first meet someone, it takes you 10 to 15 seconds to form a lasting impression of that person. They blink and cough. You decide they’re bad with money - just like that. Sounds a bit harsh, doesn’t it?
I guess that means any strangers who noticed me having a stern conversation with my front left tire yesterday believe me to be one seriously unhinged gate. They wouldn’t know that I was simply having “one of those days”. My tire deserved that inspirational chat. It was on its way to flat. I was on my way to freaking out. We both just needed to reach the gassy in time to stop a mushroom cloud from forming in Newmarket.
It’s true first impressions are important, but they can be wrong. My name is Sasha, I run Two’s Company, an introduction agency for normal single people and I am 100 percent sure that in the dating world, first impressions can be as wrong as perms.
Think about it. How do you feel on a first date? Are you calm and collected? Would you describe getting ready for a first date as awesomely fun and gratifying? Hell no.
All people sweat over first dates. It’s natural. As a matter of fact for the first ten minutes of meeting that person, you’ll probably seem more like you have rabies and less like you have a brilliant personality. That’s just the way excited nerves work.
This is why second chances are so important to dating.
When I sign clients up, I ask them what they are looking for out of the future and what are they looking for out of a partner. What are the important things for me to think about while I am looking through the books? Integrity, good friendships with others, looks after themselves, humble, are they comfortable with themselves, are some of the few.
Now, for the most part, these are not qualities you will necessarily be able to see on a first date. On a first date you don’t see how they treat others, how they treat you, how they treat themselves.
You don’t see how they form their thoughts and opinions, how others treat them. You need two, three, four dates to see what this person is like. The more you get to know them, the more you either like them or dislike them. But either way, there is no pressure to make decisions – just have fun, get to know each other. No one has asked you to marry them!
As a dating expert, I ask you to remember your most embarrassing moment. Recall a cringe-worthy statement that stumbled out of your mouth or the time you just didn’t negotiate the curb properly, letting the pavement break your fall. Lock these moments into your memory, and also lock in the fact someone was watching.
Someone formed an opinion of you in that moment, and all that person did was witness you at your not best. First dates are notorious “not bests”.
You deserve a redo. They deserve a redo. Don’t snap judge. Take time to love and be loved.
To find out more about how Two’s Company can help you meet the right singles visit www.twoscompany.co.nz or phone Sasha 0800-021-522
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