By Charlotte Shipman
It's estimated around one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage or still birth and around one in six couples are unable to conceive a child.
But it's hoped a new book sharing New Zealanders' experiences of these often heartbreaking times will help parents feel less alone.
The Waayer family knows the joy of having children, but also the pain of losing one. At a 10 week scan they were told their unborn baby girl was dead.
“You're still a parent and you want to parent them, I wouldn't want to go through the experience again, but I do feel slightly robbed, [I think] that I could have been a better mother to her,” says Sandra Waayer.
The Waayar's story is one of 45, told in the book Baby Gone. The book aims to help mothers and fathers in what can be their most helpless moments.
“Essentially it became an ordeal, something to be endured, rather than an experience that could have positive even though something hadn't gone well,” says Marcel Waayer.
It contains New Zealanders' stories of infertility, miscarriages and stillbirths.
“I wanted to give something back to Kate. It was my way of saying ‘I'm sorry I didn't cuddle you, I'm sorry I wasn't the parent I wished I could have been to you’,” Sandra says.
In the last 20 years infertility and miscarriages have increased, partly to do with women waiting longer to have children.
“Not only is it more difficult to get pregnant, but if you do get pregnant there's a higher chance of problems as the quality of egg decreases over time,” says Fertility Associates medical director Andrew Murray.
While the Waayers relish their children Sam and Hollie, they say Kate will always be a special part of their family, and talking about their experience helps to keep her memory alive.
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