Mon, 08 Nov 2010 10:08a.m.
I know, in my rational mind, that it's far too early to be excited about Christmas, but it's too late, I am. I feel a bit bad because November has barely started talking to me and already I'm looking over at the bar and trying to catch Christmas' eye, but I can't help it. I'm just a Christmas person and Xmas Fever 2010 is upon us!
And by us, I mean me.
XF2010 (snappy name, no?) hit all of a sudden this afternoon at work - my boss gave me a flyer for an advertising feature called All I Want For Christmas, and suddenly I was running around the office, warbling like an off-key Mariah, talking turkey about stocking stuffing and roaring about hampers and generally being a Big Christmas Pest.
I always have hugely elaborate plans for Christmas. For example, last year was the year of Making My Own Christmas Crackers, which, while it had huge the upside of 'slipping an off-colour joke into Nana's cracker to liven up the Christmas dinner', had the downside of 'being a time-consuming pain in the ass' and also, 'being called out on slipping an off-colour joke into etc'. Last year was also the year of spending many hours and dollars in a Christmas store, buying napkins and wine glass charms and tree ornaments and - actually, it would save us both some time if you just imagine me spending buttloads of money on every imaginable bit of Christmas tack. And then going home and decking the halls, belting out O Come All Ye Faithful at top volume and trying to put tinsel on the dog.
In my mind Christmas is a time of joy and peace! Just like Hallmark, the Bible and other reputable sources of holiday lore tell you it should be. It is a time like no other, where babies gurgle at you in the mall* and carollers sing in the streets and the air smells like pine needles and the scent of pure happiness, which also smells like pine needles...
Don't worry. You don't have to tell me. I know, deep in my heart, that this is not what Christmas is like, not even slightly. I know that in a month's time the mall will be full of screaming children and their unattractive, trackpant-clad parents, and the carollers will be out of tune and there will be a chap on the bagpipes playing Silent Night until it is either Christmas or someone kills him. And the air will smell like pine, but only in the forest (and, of course, the lounge, which will be covered with pine needles until halfway through February) and then, just when you think it's safe, the relatives will descend en masse like a swarm of so many candy-cane brandishing, trifle-seeking wasps and completely deprive of you of not only any remaining Christmas spirit, but all the other spirits in the liquor cabinet.
So I'm enjoying it now, while Christmas is still far enough away to have a certain romantic appeal! Come mid-December the bah humbug will set in, and that will be the end of XF2010!
*the babies are gurgling with laughter, not because there is something alien and unearthly growing in their throat. Although that would make an excellent premise for a B-grade horror.