By Ali Ikram
Bad weather has forced the cancellation of the outdoor comedy store that was to have played Whangamata tomorrow night.
But the gigs in Tauranga and at Black Barn Vineyards later this week are still on.
Welcoming Ed Byrne, the headliner, back to New Zealand is a bit pointless.
He is a regular visitor, got engaged here and his favourite building is the Sky Tower – with some reservations.
"The observation desk is halfway up and then it's a spike which I think is a cheat,” he says. “It's a very ‘cheaty’ kind of a tower. ‘Look we're the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere’, but you're only half building and half spike.
“It's a bit like me putting a toothpick on the end of my penis and saying ‘look at the size of that, take a load of that ladies’."
Such observations saw him almost win the Perrier Award for Comedy in 1998.
"I feel that we treat animals better than we treat humans. Proof of this is we found a cat near our bins looking hungry, now it lives with us.
“You wouldn't do that with a person; ‘Alright mate? You look a bit hungry, come and live in the house. Don't get a job, we'll buy food and prepare it for you and in return if you could occasionally take a dump on the floor’."
While other comics do politics, Ed does things we really care about, like lost luggage and expensive wedding invites.
"Watching someone have that much rage about things that aren't that important or can't be changed, that's where a lot of the comedy comes from,” he says.
Anything can be material, even the angry looks he got on the flight here from childless passengers.
"You talk about them to the child, you go ‘oh that man is looking over his glasses in a very angry way isn't he?’ ‘He's going to get his coffee spilt in his lap if he doesn't stop doing that.’
“Daddy's going to get up and slap him in his face just because he doesn't have any children because no one would have sex with him’.”
After 15 years of coming here Ed still does not know if this is the most beautiful country on earth or whether anywhere looks amazing after a 24 hour flight.
3 News