Father talks about daughter’s abusive marriage

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Wed, 15 Dec 2010 7:00p.m.

David White

David White

Last year, David White lost his daughter. She was killed before she could leave her abusive husband.

For years Helen Meads, like tens of thousands of others throughout the country, had been a victim of domestic abuse.

But far from the common perception of who commits such abuse, the abuser was white, wealthy and respectable.

David White spoke with Lachlan Forsyth about his loss and what must be done to end this appalling practice.

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Comments

17 Dec 2010 12:16p.m.

jan.. wrote:

David White, sorry to hear about your daughter's death from her abused evil husband, a friend of mind have been abused over the years her sick son and four grandchildrens by her white husband an officer with evil materials that keep saying to my friend you have no proof a non relative to her grands but only through married where he abused them all along with his unknown friends..
My friend have proof but not enough to take action as yet..
Police are corrupted these days and we have no idea who to turn to for help anymore..
White man bought Philpines women at $10,000 to $20,000 each, white man married to Phillipnino women just to abused them as sex slaves here in NewZealand..
God Bless you David White, Milly, Sandra and the commenter's on this page and please keep intouch..

16 Dec 2010 03:36p.m.

sandra wrote:

cambell live it was so sad to see that father talk about his daughter but this country at the minute is not doing enough for domestic violence. I was hit monday night by my partner - no arguments i was asleep in bed at the time i was so shocked i called the police.. after speaking with him down stairs I WAS ASKED TO LEAVE the property - with no where to go at 11.30 pm at night as it was HIS house and his property.. so i walked the streets till 7am in the morning when i could call my friends to pick me up - then when i tried to get my clothes he has refused me access and you know what he can legally I have to get permission from HIM to get my clothes out of the house the police have informed ME that if i go without his permission i will be procecuted WHAT A JOKE.. to be honest its made me regret asking the police for help - i have no family here just friends - now no home, no clothes , and no help - victim support agreed its stupid but its not against the law being an arse and not letting my have my things. so basically im at his mercy ... i wish i had never asked for help at least the next day i could have got my things and left while he was at work ... the system sucks

16 Dec 2010 10:47a.m.

Sarah wrote:

Thank you David for all abused women and in particular for those abused by 'white, middle-classed,respectable and intelligent men' . The sterotypes in the system as well as in society allowed my ex to put me through continued pyschological abuse for years after I left. This is a problem that affects all and it is good to see a man stand up for the rights of women to be safe. I am sure publicising your daughters plight will help many other women feel brave enough to seek help an recognise that is not their fault.I know it is painful for you and your family so again I thank you for us all.

16 Dec 2010 08:15a.m.

debbie wrote:

I wanted to let you know how much your words meant to me. I never respond to TV interviews but I need to this time.

Its been tough living with and leaving an abusive husband which I did earlier this year. My ex struck me while I was breastfeeding our 3 week old daughter. I left the next day.

For a long time I belived two parents were better for my children and that my ex loved them. Now I know that's not true. My ex is doing all he can to convince the court and everyone else that he should have shared custody. I was sad to hear that you had to fight for custody of your granddaughter and so relieved you were awarded it.

Helen's courage in standing up and finding her voice in such a horrific situation inspires me. I will find strength in her courage to face my fears when going through the court process and dealing with the parent order application my ex is making.

Your words struck a chord when you mentioned your granddaugher now living in a quiet and loving home without the shouting and violence. For me I can be a better mother living in a calm and peaceful environment without the chaos and mental anguish.

I believe you will help other woman and that by speaking out you protect your granddaughters and help other women.

God bless you and your family.



16 Dec 2010 12:50a.m.

Margaret Hester wrote:

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. The fight to support victims of this abuse and have society face up to the fact that it impacts all socio economic and ethnic groups within our community is almost insurmountable when you advocate for the rights of these victims. For too long we have pretended this is an ethnicity problem or a problem for "poor", it is not, it never has been, it cannot continue to be hidden that this crime impacts us all - no matter the colour of your skin or the balance of your bank account. Your strength is inspiring and that you have voiced your feelings to clearly in your the tragic reality of your loss leaves me in awe. Thank you. My heartfelt thanks also to Milly above for her disclosure and strength.

15 Dec 2010 09:16p.m.

milly wrote:

David White, thankyou for your strenghth of character,for speaking for abused Women.
I am a girl who like your daoughter Helen was bought up by gentle loving parents. Abused by my husband until my eight month unborn child was killed by his violence. Raped and burnt with cigarette butts. My parents pain almost unbearable. I have survived. It is terrible having to suffer at the mercy of another human being.
my regards to you and your wife and family,sincerely.milly