Daily distractions for sufferers of World Cup fatigue, from Ally Mullord.
As the World Cup thunders on, some of you will be waking up to the realisation that your normally lovely husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/flatmate with benefits is actually a long-dormant rugby beast.
While it seems a little unfair (do keen gardeners, during the spring planting season, constantly demand silence while they thrash about in the petunias? I think not) to become a rugby widow, don’t panic.
9 Hidden Upsides to a World Cup-Obsessed Partner
- You can guarantee there will be an abundance of beer and snacks in the house for the next six weeks.
- Game time is the right time to ask for things you’ve wanted for ages, like your mother coming to stay, or a pony.
- During the World Cup, when the most cherished shape is the egg, weight gain is completely fine. In fact the closer in shape you become to a rugby ball, the more you will be loved.
- The supporter’s propensity for lucky socks, underwear etc. is very likely to decrease the amount of washing you do. This is not only good for you, it is also very good for the Environment.
- The buttock imprint on the couch will serve as a happy memory of your partner when they are away on future business trips! Also, you can amuse yourself by sitting in it and comparing sizes, or even making a commemorative mould.
- You can eat the last packet of noodles/ piece of Vogel’s/ lobster (select based on financial situation) while your other half is absorbed in the game. Hint: best time for this is the start of the second half.
- Rugby conversations can be brought to a swift end with cheerful comments about how valiantly the other team are playing, or wildly inaccurate remarks about our team. Works best if you use non-sporting terminology like “He really muffed that pass” or “Golly, that’s a bamboozling scrum!” If you’re lucky, you will be given some money and told to leave the house.
- Partner suddenly and magically loses all ability to object to watching next month’s Glee marathon/all-day netball extravaganza/six-hour Biggest Loser final.
- The rugby is temporary. Bagpipe season is all year round.
For more entertainment that’s not rugby, go to FOUR