It’s hard work being a beauty queen, but this year’s Miss Singapore World Ris Low is really having it rough. She’s been slaughtered for her eloquence (or lack of) in a recent interview on local RazorTV.

In the local Straits Times newspaper, they poked fun at how she pronounced hospitality (hospitaterlity), bikini (bigini), prints (preens) and jeans (gins), etc. My favourite bit is her reply when asked what she wears when she’s feeling naughty.

“I’ll wear something rad (red) and loud… something, you know, something boomz, something that shouts ‘me’…”

Many are up in arms about dear Ris’ appalling English, especially with the country’s pet project, the Speak Good English campaign. Ah yes, if you are already familiar with the workings of the Singapore government, this should not surprise you – yes, there is a campaign that encourages Singaporeans to speak Good English. Their goal is to make sure that Singaporeans meet and exceed international standards of English language skills! They’ve also tried to discourage the use of Singlish – Singapore’s unofficial national ‘language’, a mixture of broken English mixed together with Chinese, Malay, Indian and dialect phrases.

I’ve seen posters for the Speak Good English campaign around the city central library. My favourite is a picture of a couple, obviously smitten with each other, and the caption goes something like this:

When I want to tell her how I feel, I can.

It’s a shame that these banners are found at the library, which is where people who are lacking in language skills are unlikely to be hanging around anyway.

I have to admit that when I read the transcribed interview in the papers, I imagined the worst. But on watching the video, I don’t think it’s all that bad. Some people think that there is really no excuse for the deteriorating national standard of English, considering that it’s a national language, and the first language used to teach all classes right from kindergarten. But perhaps even all those years of English classes and exams – 6 years in primary school, 4 years in secondary school – do not guarantee that you are going to speak Good English.

Before the Speak Good English campaign came along, there was another campaign. The only evidence of its existence is a faded banner hanging off yet another library building; someone probably forgot to take it down. It reads:

华语 COOL.

Use it. Don’t lose it.

Before English became the government’s new thing, they were trying to emphasise the importance of Mandarin (华语) to Singaporeans like myself – the ones who have a grasp on Good English but on the flip side, have a shocking standard of Mandarin. So I have to ask myself, what if the tables were turned? What if Mandarin was the country’s national language? I did Mandarin classes for 6 years in primary school, 4 years in secondary school, and yet my grasp of it is best described as deplorable. If someone asked me, in Mandarin, what would I wear when feeling naughty, well…

I will struggle to formulate a reply, and will probably only be able to emit an answer along the lines of:

我会穿,好像…很… boomz.

This roughly translates to “I will wear, like… very… boomz.”