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There’s no excuse for a redundant apology

Schools should be fined for creating an environment so unappealing that young people want to play hooky Schools should be fined for creating an environment so unappealing that young people want to play hooky
Mon, 01 Mar 2010 5:08p.m.

As I watched Tiger Woods’ public apology on cbs.com [http://bit.ly/cEN6T8] I felt like I was peering through the keyhole at a student in the headmaster’s office, apologising for something he regretted being caught for more than doing.

“I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible behaviour I engaged in.”

At this point I would have stopped him and dished out a further detention for bad grammar. What he should have said was, either, “I am deeply sorry for the irresponsible behaviour I engaged in,” or, more simply, “I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible behaviour.”

What he actually said was technically redundant, which is no doubt how his wife felt when she became aware of his polyamorous tendencies. However, she need not have felt so bad had she been more versed in this “modern” version of polygamy.

Polyamorists argue that it is emotionally retarded – excuse the Henry-esque terminology – to have the capacity to be intimate with only one person at one time.

They would have coached Elin to replace jealousy with compersion, which is a “non-sexual state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy.” (Wikipedia [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion]

Of course it’s doubtful that Tiger is a confirmed polyamorist. He’s just a dirty, playboy scoundrel. But his 13-minute, scripted and highly controlled media event would have left Dr Gary Taylor – George Matthew Edgar Professor of English, director of the History of Text Technologies programme at Florida State University and polyamory expert/activist – green with envy at the wasted opportunity to promote an enlightened, alternative lifestyle. (Hear Taylor talk to Radio NZ National’s Kim Hill here [http://bit.ly/98nxnx].)

Meanwhile, back in the principal’s office, teachers in Houston TX may face a severe ticking off and even expulsion (or maybe they should be just made redundant) for not teaching well enough. ABC News reported recently that “teachers whose students consistently fail to improve on standardised tests may be let go.” [http://bit.ly/9JY6M4].

If you read my previous blog entry, you may be unsurprised that I’m not entirely against this stance. I mean, why do we punish students for failing to learn, when teachers are paid to facilitate learning? My audiences don’t get punished for not laughing at the jokes I tell. I just don’t get gigs. I mean, I do, but...

I take it one step further – should parents be fined for the truancy of their kids? Hell no. Schools should be fined for creating an environment so unappealing that young people want to play hooky.

On a lighter note, here’s a success story that probably won’t make national headlines but it’s certainly not redundant because I helped make it happen. Shaun McKinney and Anna Nelson met in April 2009 through the Peer Support Network our Trust – Diversityworks – runs. Shaun is openly gay, Anna is exploring her sexuality and both share the experience of disability, though they prefer to think of it as unique function. On Friday they are traveling to Sydney Mardi Gras on the Air NZ Pink Flight, taking in the Parade and partying at the Botanical Gardens. [http://wp.me/PoylQ-R7]

I’m pretty sure they won’t be deeply sorry for the irresponsible behaviour they engage in.

 

Until 2008 Philip Patston identified as gay, disabled and vegetarian. These days he prefers to think of himself as having a unique experience. A social entrepreneur and change consultant, with fifteen years’ experience as an award-winning professional comedian, he aims to promote a new, more useful understanding of diversity. He runs Diversity New Zealand in his spare time (www.diversitynz.com).

 

You can keep in touch with Philip Patston via his social media sites:

 

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Comments [6]

James
02 May 2010 09:50p.m.

I find it unbelievable that the word polamory was even used with regard to Tiger Woods actions. The common and accepted description of polyamory is "being in love and a committed relationship with more than one person at a time, with the full consent and knowledge of all involved". What Tiger did was good old relationship cheating. For a better understand of what polyamory is then visit: www.polyamory.org.nz

Craig Young
10 Mar 2010 01:34p.m.

Incidentally, Philip, are you as gobsmacked as I am by the creepy blame-the-victim media coverage directed against Herman Rockefeller for his polyamorous pursuits? Whenever I watch it, it reminds me of the worst 'standards' of dial a bigot tabloid media 'phobery back in the not so distant past...

Philip
02 Mar 2010 01:50p.m.

Great to see the polyamorists (or perhaps just polyamory supporters) out! No intent to offend, just trying to use a high profile event to segway into discussion of an aspect of social inconformity that is seldom discussed, while preserving a hint of irony in the tone. Of course, and without getting too defense, I must point out that I did temper my "doubtful" comment with the suggestion that he was "a dirty, playboy scoundrel." Not quite "lying, deceptive cheat" though, I must admit!

James
02 Mar 2010 10:02a.m.

Hey Philip - I want to find out how the Mardi Gras trip went... any interesting stories to tell from Anna and Shaun's point of view?

Jim Catano
02 Mar 2010 04:05a.m.

Since we're toying with semantics here, I propose a correction to the discussion. Your statement: "it’s doubtful that Tiger is a confirmed polyamorist" could be re-written as: "it's confirmed that Tiger Woods is NOT a polyamorist." Polyamory is commonly defined as "ethical non-monogamy" in which all partners in a relationship are fully aware of the others and new ones are included only if everyone in the extended relationship consents and is supportive. What Tiger Woods did (and that which many of those in Western culture who PRETEND to practice monogamy do) is called infidelity...the exact opposite of polyamory. Others practice "serial monogamy" by trashing and abandoning their existing relationships so they can move on to a exclusive (theoretically, anyway) new one. Again, that's something polyamorists strive to avoid by being open, inclusive and egalitarian about their non-monogamous relationships.

Bertrand
01 Mar 2010 09:23p.m.

Sorry, but it is absolutely incorrect to say that polyamory proponents describe monogamists as "emotionally retarded" for their choices. Choices are there for everyone to make so how about we let each other make them without judging each other? Also, to clarify, Mr. Woods wasn't engaging in polyamory. He was cheating. The two are very different. Polyamory is 'loving more' with the knowledge and consent of all involved. Cheating is lying and deception.

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