By Michael John Oliver
The fun, the frivolity, the colour, the costumes. And something else about rugby? The 2012 Hertz Wellington Sevens is shining over Wellington like a rainbow of Halloween in a beer bottle.
We'll be bringing you all the colour and madness from this year's Sevens party with live updates from Westpac Stadium, and VIDEO updates of all the highlights and matches.
10:17pm - That's all from the Cake Tin tonight. Wrap up tight, Wellington. 30,000+ drunken costume-tauting footy fans are heading your way.
We'll be back tomorrow with updates, photos, and misadventures from Day 2 of the Hertz Wellington Sevens.
10:13pm - And that's it! Full time here at the Cake Tin, New Zealand beat Samoa 19-5, and that's the end of festivities on Day 1 of the 2012 Wellington Sevens.
10:12pm - Samoa weave their way up field, and have New Zealand with a 2-on-1 overlap on the left. Alafoti Fasoiliva scores, and it's 19-5.
10:08pm - Streaker! And he's tackled Alatasi Taupu for Samoa! Welp, enjoy your stadium ban and fine I guess, bud.
10:07pm - Solomon King dabbles out a huge fend as he scythes his way down the right hand touch, and Samoa find themselves down another five points. 19-0 NZ.
10:02pm - Wonderful individual try by Bryce Heem. New Zealand were going backwards inside their 22, until he sized up the field, stepped, and sprinted off down field. He swerved away from tacklers in a rather Cullenesque kind of way. 12-0 to the men in black.
9:58pm - Frank Halai opens the scoring for New Zealand. 5-0 they lead.
9:52pm - A disappointing 10-all draw between France and Australia, but neither team has looked good today. France haven't played well, and Australia don't look well in lime. The crowd remembers it likes dancing, as the tantalising prospect of New Zealand vs Samoa awaits.
Back in Black from AC/DC sets us up for the main event. Now this is footy.
9:47pm - The New Zealanders are going through their warm ups. They're all looking rather relaxed and receive a raucous cheer from the crowd as they make their way back into their changing shed. France and Australia are deadlocked at 10-all with two minutes left on the clock.
9:30pm - Fiji run 19 unanswered points to beat Wales 19-0. The Lime Green Aussies are up next against the French, and then the night's main event, New Zealand vs Samoa.
The stadium fills with the ethereal sounds of dubstep.
9:20pm - There are a variety of dance styles on display in the crowd tonight. The classic "Stand With Arms Slightly Raised And Sway" has been on heavy rotation, but so has the "Beer in One Hand, Stand And Point At Indiscriminate Numbers of People With Other Hand" and the "Fist Pumping During The Beatles" too. My personal favourite was the gentleman with the afro wig who screamed "WOOO! SEVENS!"
Meanwhile, Fiji are 12-0 up over Wales.
9:08pm - South Africa run out 14-10 winners over England, as the crowd proves they know the chorus of Delilah by Tom Jones and no other lyrics.
8:50pm - The big matches of the day are underway, with England facing off with South Africa. There are a lot of tired faces wandering the concourse right now, and a number of people have already made tracks for the city. Just saw a bloke dressed as Postman Pat.
8:23pm - The Army Band just led 30,000+ people in the haka.
And finally, a fireworks display. Now that's an interval you want to sign your name to.
8:20pm - The New Zealand Army Band has hit the field, and hot damn, they're sounding fine. They lead the crowd in a rendition of YMCA. I get the feeling the sign up sheet for this band asks one question: do you like having fun?
8:12pm - Wahine Toa run out 15-10 winners over Wahine Kaha. And now, the parade of nations. The teams will take a lap around Westpac Stadium. Australia was announced and greeted with a mixture of cheers and boos. Samoa get a cheer to blow the roof off.
Wait, scratch that. New Zealand's cheer obliterated Samoa's. "Wooo! That's where we live! Yeeeeah!"
7:55pm - Heartbreak for Kenya, going down 21-14 in a tight contest with the Canadians. There was really nothing between the two teams, and Canada could perhaps be seen as lucky. Still, the Canadian fairy tale in Wellington goes on.
It's time now for the women's exhibition match, which is a great addition to the fanfare here in Wellington. The two teams are called Wahine Toa and Wahine Kaha, and the match is refereed by 21-year-old Brigitte Tyler. Some real aggression being shown in the early stages, unsurprising given how competitive women's rugby is.
7:43pm - The two surprise packages of the tournament, Kenya and Canada, are doing battle at the moment. It's a tightly wound contest, with the score 7-all a minute out from half time.
We've just had the first costumed person look in through the media centre window and wave. It was the grim reaper, which bodes well for everybody with a deadline.
7:30pm - There weren't as many as first estimated. Something of a low sperm count. Hi-yo!
They weren't too chatty either:
Me: Hey, can I ask you guys some questions?
Sperm: Sperm don't talk, bro.
Think I got owned.
7:15pm - Coming up soon, we'll have the women's exhibition match followed by the parade of nations. Some names to look out for in the women's clash:
Brenda Collins - Jerry Collins' sister, and Soraya Umaga-Jenson - Tana Umaga's niece
7:12pm - A St John Ambulance spokesperson says there have been a number of minor injuries (cuts, sprained wrists, dehydration) but nothing major. "Things are good today, but we'll see how things go tomorrow."
Meanwhile, I'm off in search of 40 men dressed as sperm. Yes, that's an actual sentence.
6:30pm - New Zealand were far too big, strong, and fast for the hapless Japanese, running out 52-0 winners. After a shaky first outing against Scotland, the Kiwis have found their groove. Hosea Gear picked up a hat-trick, showing glimpses of the side steps and bursts of pace that made him an All Black. New Zealand plays Samoa in the final match of the day around 10pm.
6:08pm - New Zealand's second game has started. They're 7-0 up over Japan.
5:55pm - There's a noticeable splotch of white on the far side of the stadium. It's about six seats long, and three aisles wide. The gentleman sitting next to me noticed my staring and explained it thus:
"There's about 40 guys over there dressed as sperm. They stick out, don't they?"
The crowd has erupted into full party mode. The concourse is like a fever dream of characters. One guy dressed as an American pioneer said to me "It's more interesting in here than watching [the rugby] out there." It begs the question: who comes to the sevens for the footy?
5:29pm - Another upset to send the TAB into a spin: Tonga have beaten series leader Fiji 17-14.
5:20pm - Point of the day reached where things start getting creepy.
"Glad I'm out, I was running out of womb," cry these lost, innocent, infants. I asked where Mum and Dad were. The "King Baby" hung a finger from his mouth and said "Mama?" No, no, King Baby. I'm not Mama. "Where's Dada? Here's Dada!" said the small, lost, child, pointing to something on his back. It read: "Made in -china" with a "Va" in front of it. Baby's First X-rated Pun.
4:40pm - The concourse is starting to fill up with costumed folk who've indulged in a mysterious brown liquid. Photos are being taken left right and centre. You can't help but admire the creativity. More pics coming.
4:00pm - Wanna see video of some of the best costumes of the day? Yes, yes you do.
You'd love to see it all.
3:51pm - Anaru and Haley, dressed as Uncle and Auntie Sam, say the inspiration for their costumes came from an ordained source. "The costume lady just picked them for us, and I thought 'Yeah, whatever, looks choice'," says Anaru.
3:38pm - New Zealand has kicked off their campaign with a hard-thought 29-7 win over Scotland. Click VIEW VIDEO to see the highlights of the match.
They looked a little tired, the Kiwi lads. Scotland made a match out of it to begin with, but the black machine kicked into gear in the second half and held out for a comfortable victory. We've got the full match report.
3:10pm - Another big upset: Kenya have dominated a lethargic Australia to beet the lime greens 35-10. The Kenyans outplayed, outwitted and outmuscled the Aussies and are deserved winners. Next up, New Zealand play their first game against the bonny Scots.
Someone in the crowd has had enough of their costume, and has literally torn it off and thrown it into the seats in front of them. Footy has that effect on people.
2:50pm - We've had our first upset, with Canada running out 14-10 winners over France. Meanwhile, Kenya have jumped out to a 14-5 lead over Australia, who've apparently stolen the Canberra Raiders uniform from 1996.
Australia dots down for a try to make it 14-10 at the half, as a resounding sportsman-like boo echoes around the stadium.
2:15pm - England and Fiji have had comfortable first up wins. The crowd's starting to build nicely. Said the gentleman sporting the caveman outfit, "It's gonna get hot when the crowd is... is... what's that other word for hot?"
Here's some pics from out and about:
1:15pm - South Africa are currently making the USA's life difficult in the first match of the day. Minor mistakes seem to be besetting the North Americans, but the South Africans are a cut above and should do well here. And with the blare of the hooter, they run out 21-0 winners.
The costumes are something else. The Museum Hotel is hosting a costume competition outside the gate. The woman dressed as a phoenix with a wingspan of about three metres is a top contender, but special mention must go to the guys dressed as lego men.
Ian from Tauranga came bearing a sign that says "7's Virgin". "I hope I don't leave here tonight a virgin anymore!" he says, then quickly qualified that statement by saying "Not that way." Kia ora, Ian.
England, in their traditional orange and yellow, are out next against the Cook Islands.
12:15pm - Like a holy pilgrimage, the costumed hoards are now making their way to the cake tin. A quintet of incontinent old geezers had an appalling show in the "Dash for Cash". "Wally," one bellowed, "You messed yourself and the race!" Oh, Sevens. You bring out the best in everyone.
The footy is scheduled to kick off at 1pm, but the entertainment has already begun. I'll aim to update every hour, if I'm not engulfed by the teeming masses, Buzz Lightyears, Waldos, Transformers, Poison Ivies, and literally everyone else.
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The biggest fancy dress party in the country kicks off on Friday but organisers of the Wellington Sevens are taking steps to stop the party getting out of hand.
Police and organisers want to curb excessive drinking at the two-day event at Westpac Stadium and say they will crack down on those who have over-indulged.
Event manager Steve Walters says the amount of alcohol that can be purchased at the stadium during the day is being reduced to prevent the stockpiling of drinks.
"We want everyone to have a good time and enjoy the festivities associated with the tournament. There is a spirit of excitement and camaraderie at the event and we want that atmosphere to continue," he said.
Police will also be ensuring intoxicated fans are not served.
In an effort to get fans to the stadium early organisers are offering cash prizes to reward those in their seats each day between 1pm-3.30pm. Other events include a dash for cash and fashion shows to reward those who go the extra mile with their costumes.
A parade of teams was held in central Wellington yesterday.
New Zealand are the defending champions after beating England in the final last year and are currently joint top of the IRB Sevens series.
3 News / NZN