By David Farrier
Heidi and Spencer Pratt are a celebrity couple that have built their fame by starring in fake reality TV show The Hills.
The pair, known as 'Speidi' in the media, make Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie seem like intelligent, respectable ladies who deserve their fans and fame.
Through some unholy magic, the disgusting celebrity duo that is Speidi has produced a book.
"Our book, actually you buy it and you read it and it changes your life," says Spencer.
The book is entitled How to be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press, and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture and includes advice like recommending readers undergo plastic surgery.
"I'm gonna give you one of the most important things that only Heidi and Spencer do and that everybody else in Hollywood is like, 'we're too cool, we're too famous.' Ready for this people?" Spencer asked before holding up a page of the book that says "The Paps Are Your Friends".
The very special Heidi loves pointing out the extremely obvious, saying: "We're not doctors, we're not lawyers, we're not these serious people."
Heidi also loves making outrageous statements about proper Hollywood stars, such as: "Everybody else is shameless too but we just get labelled that. Tom Cruise is doing the exact same paparazzi set-ups as we do yet we're the shameless ones and he's the classy movie star.
"Everyone's just gotten used to all these actors and everyone taking themselves so seriously when it's really just a joke industry."
Spencer used interviews promoting the book as opportunities to badmouth fellow The Hills star Lauren Conrad.
"LC needs to buy this ASAP," says Spencer about the book. "If she would have just listened to Speidi and followed what we did she would still be relevant and in magazines or in tabloids. Unfortunately for her she's faded out like nobody I've ever seen before."
And if you thought you'd seen the end of one of the trashiest, most tragic couples ever to appear on your TV screen, think again.
Spencer breaks the bad news: "World be prepared - you'll get to see very soon on our own show starring Speidi only. The true stars."
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